A Different Approach to Anger

 

Thoughts of revenge create an energy of imbalance and is best dealt with by releasing your anger.
There can be times when we get so angry with someone that we find ourselves imagining ways to seek revenge for the hurt they’ve caused us. Remember, however, that the thoughts you’ve just had are energetic creations. In order to keep yourself from having to take part in the rebalancing of energy, it is important to release the person and the thoughts into the care of the universe with forgiveness.

Before we allow ourselves to invest our energy into negative thought or action, we can remind ourselves that everything has a purpose. We can then consider that perhaps the actions of the other person or people may have had nothing to do with us. If we don’t take their actions personally, it may be easier to release them. Remembering that every interaction is an opportunity to make a better choice, we can take a deep breath before responding, allowing us just enough time to connect to center and make the choice to respond from our higher self. We can never know all the circumstances that may have led anyone to do anything. By not passing judgment on anyone, and instead sending hope for their healing, we may create something positive out of a difficult situation. We can then release it, since dwelling on it can cause an energetic drain in our system, causing us to really only hurt ourselves. When we can release our hold on negative events and interactions, we leave it in the hands of a wise universe to work out the best solution for all involved.

In every moment we have a chance to make a choice to bring light into the world. When we bless others with the gift of our positive energy, instead of letting circumstances affect us negatively, we bring a little peace to the world every day.

xoxo – Mel

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Article by Madiysn Taylor

I Surrender: Healing Sexual Abuse Through Yoga Therapy


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I am always the one that springs tears when I have any kind of body work done. I know, I’m just a sensitive little thing and I’m fully aware of that, although it’s taken me some time to not shame myself so violently for being such. I believe that has been an integral part of the work – the surrender of letting myself feel so deeply – that has helped me to become the healer, energy worker, and facilitator that I have become thus far.

As all good practitioners know, you are always evolving, always learning. It shouldn’t have surprised me as I prepared for a Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy session for a friend who is a student-in-training, that tears welled up for me just filling out the intake paperwork. Pretty darn good indicator for me that I was headed into water where something was gonna shift – and shift BIG. What exactly that was, I wasn’t quite sure of but I still had a day or so to sit on it and feel it out.

The day of, it dawned on me….during this week several years past were monumental times of change for me, sometimes physically, other times more spiritually. Last year during that time frame was when Bobby and I had our last visit that felt like the energy between us flowed and connected in a very positive and comforting fashion (for those unfamiliar with the back story, click here). It was also the time of year of my late father’s birthday, which in and of itself is significant, but also because that timeframe in 2012 was when Bobby and I reconnected after not having spoken to one another for nearly 6 ½ years since his move to California.

Upon arriving at the studio, I could tell the session would be an intense one simply because I felt so comfortable and at ease there. My friend, Karen, which I should note this was the first time we’d met in-person and was a total delight, was warm, caring, inviting, and genuine. All of these details set up the scene for a very intimate, very open, and very healing session. From the moment she walked me into a meditative space until we sat down crossed legged on the mat and a full hour later, tears flowed. I hadn’t let myself cry like that since the day that Bobby and I had parted ways.

When we had begun, I made it very clear to the angels and guides that were present that my intention was to heal my body. I was tired of hurting. I was tired of battling with my weight. I was tired of just not feeling 100% up to par. I wanted desperately whatever that trigger of resistance was to a creating and allowing for a healthy body to be identified and released. I had tried so many things throughout the years to be met with frustration and anger, the occasional success and then abruptly gaining the vast majority of the weight back and feeling my energy plummet, each and every time. It was depressing and defeating, to put it mildly.

As we started the session, Karen walked me through a basic meditation as we stood facing one another, eyes closed, to begin getting in touch with my body and really pulling myself in to be present and aware. She encouraged me to find a beginning position that felt comfortable and safe. Knowing very little yoga, my first instinct was to curl up into child’s pose. And I cried. I cried and cried and cried.

The visions that came up next were powerful and cut straight to the core. Directly mirroring one another, as if in a twisted sort of carnival horror house, was the images of myself as a child being sexually abused by a man that I dearly trusted at 4 years old and the other…was being in the very same vulnerable, albeit consented, position with Bobby in an almost identical space. An old, rickety, shaded, dusty garage when I was 4 years old versus a sawdust-covered, dark, picture-framing saw room in the basement of an old historic building at the age of 34. It was an energetically tender space of open, innocent vulnerability and unconditional trust being sabotaged and annihilated in an instant, completely naïve as to what the truth and the gravity of the situation truly was – in both situations.

The tears flowed non-stop. How could they not? And it was good. So, so good. Cathartic. Releasing the toxicity of both events that had been pent up for all this time and letting them pour out into the open air. Rather than sit and focus on the acute pain that I was being engulfed in in that moment; reliving the piercing sting of betrayal and innocence stolen, I asked my guides to help me to see why my body wasn’t cooperating in healing itself and what did this have anything to do with my weight issues? Why was it becoming more and more lethargic, gaining weight again after having dropped nearly 60lbs just 3 years prior, and why I never felt passionate enough about healthy eating and exercise like I did back then? The extra 30 pounds my body had acquired since then had been literally weighing on me, both physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Then, the epiphany hit. Why would I want to lose the weight? What purpose would that serve? Well, I would feel better energetically. I would look healthier. I would be able to keep up with my kids better. I would look better. My fatigue would likely dissipate. I would look better. I would be able to focus more clearly. I would appear slimmer.

I would look better. I would LOOK better. The hidden beast. My outside appearance. Holy hell.

That’s probably not supposed to be the most spiritually enlightened epiphany ever…but then again, how do we grow in our journey if we don’t look at the dark shadows of our existence as well as the bright, luminous parts? Isn’t that how we learn to shine brighter?

Back to the session…

So improving my physical body health in the past equated to more attention from people, specifically men, and most often times men in a certain position of power or what seemed like a position of power to me. It might possibly be best described as a man in a place of “authority”, whether it was an administrative hierarchy that I had bought into at the time or because they touted themselves as the “authority” in their given field. Every time I lost a considerable amount of weight, the rockin’ body that I have underneath all the layers of “protection” came shining through as did my sparkling, outgoing personality and people NOTICED. And every time I was noticed, I made shitty freakin’ choices, got caught up in the moment, indulged in guilty pleasures and created bonds that I had no business creating….then I ended up hurt. Cut to the core hurt. And devastated beyond measure…

Protection.

That’s what it boiled down to. Big, huge, personal, physical fucking walls. I was protecting my heart and my sprit because the majority of the significant men in my life had done nothing but use and abuse it. Granted, in most of the situations, I let it happen. I chose to walk into the situation and allowed myself to be open and vulnerable. That does not negate the fact that I had set up a very damaging and painful pattern in which there were times that I felt that I just couldn’t go on…because I had felt the reoccurrence of that initial pain as a 4 year old THAT deeply and intimately.

What I learned? I had allowed my deteriorating body image and consequent weight gain be my protection from painful emotional scars rather than consciously addressing them and healing from them. Yeah. Take that one for a ride, right? Not exactly lighthearted tea-time discussion.

The last segment of our session? As I was lying on my back, Karen lifted my legs together in the air, lifting my bottom off of the floor, and began gently swinging my hips back and forth from one side to the other. It felt scary and vulnerable and way too open for what I was feeling in the moment. But…it’s all part of the healing and triggering those necessary sensations within the body to elicit that response and allowing our inner knowing to tune into that guidance that we are given. Trust me, even as I type these words, I get a lump in my throat. And that…well, that’s where it’s most powerful. The precipice of choice.

Oh, and the visual that appeared to me?

A proudly flying white flag of surrender.

xoxo – Mel

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Trust the Process

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Here’s the thing —–

Do what you do.

Do it with integrity.

Do it with passion.

Do it with heart.

Trust the process.

When you DO THE WORK – EVERYTHING ELSE FALLS INTO PLACE.

I never in a million years thought that I’d be traveling to do galleries and readings. In fact, I didn’t ever intended to do any of what I currently do on a public level, much less as my main livelihood.

What I DID DO was focus on what I needed to do to become as clear of a conduit for healing and reading as possible. That meant some REALLY hard choices. It meant taking some major risks and putting myself out there to possibly be judged and ridiculed by friends, family, or community members. It meant drawing personal boundaries. It meant declining clientele that wasn’t a good fit – regardless of their retaliation or angst towards myself and my practice. And I’m ok with that.

It was giving up the expectation in any and all regards as to how success would look and being a willing participant in whatever Universe put in my path – even if I didn’t understand it.

Trust that Higher Power.

You don’t have to know what the entire plan is going to look like. Simply focus INWARD (not on what everyone else is doing) and take the next best step FOR YOU. One. Step. At a time. ❤️

xoxo – Mel

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How to Feel Your Feelings

“You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it.” ~JK Rowling

Sometimes the last thing we want to do is feel our feelings. Because feeling can hurt.

Feeling can make you cry in the laundromat.

Feeling can make your face unattractively red in the frozen food aisle.

Feeling can make you think this whole being human racket is not the best way to spend your time.

If you’ve been stuffing your feelings back into your rib cage whenever they try to break for the light, this is especially true. I know, because this is exactly what I did with my feelings for twenty-nine long years.

Oh, those crafty feelings would make the occasional jail break, and then I’d vibrate with a nameless rage that ended in cell phone destruction when technology met brick wall. Or I’d start screaming and yanking at my clothes—yes, actual rending of garments—because the rush of pain was too intense to contain within my frame.

My mom is fond of saying that, for the first few years of my life, she thought she was raising a monster. As an empath in a house where emotion was treated like a ticking bomb, I was feeling emotions for the entire family, and all those feelings were processing through my eyeballs and via my vocal chords.

So I learned to stifle my sensitivity and emotion in a well-meaning but mistaken effort to protect those around me. Many of us do.

We learn that emotions aren’t safe.

We learn that crying is not appreciated.

We learn that life runs more smoothly when we pack our emotions into our spleen and forget about them.

It wasn’t until my father landed in the hospital that my personal emotional apocalypse began.

Trapped in a hospital bed, unable to move, all the feeling and empathy my father had successfully stifled for his fifty-three years—with work, beer, and vinyl records—rose up to claim him. He couldn’t bear to be in his body any more, so he stopped eating until he didn’t have to be.

Pressing play on his favorite George Strait track or reading his favorite passages, not sure what he could hear through the morphine haze, the solidity of my emotions began to crack.

As we waited for my father to die, I roamed the hospital halls and spilled coffee on the pristine floors, feeling like I would jump out of my skin. Since writing was the only means I had of processing emotion at the time, I began to record my experiences on a private Facebook group. Never before had I experienced such a rush of love and support.

The cracks began to widen.

After his death, my tenuous yet carefully clutched emotional control completely unraveled.

As I began to lean into the cleansing rush of feeling, rather than running determinedly the opposite direction, life began sending me the experiences I needed to learn how to surf the wave of the emotional onslaught.

I learned how to greet my feelings as friends rather than as a nameless beast out to destroy my life—or at least my morning.

I learned where emotions would hide in my body, lurking between my ribs or huddled in my belly.

I learned how to allow the literal physical feeling of my emotions to burn itself out, by simply feeling the sensation instead of judging it or make it mean something.

I learned how crucial it was to feel my way through my emotions so that I could connect with my inner wisdom.

Devoting myself to processing my feelings, rather than letting them build up until they drained me, began to shift and transform my life.

Depression became a distant memory. I stopped feeling the need to drink, heavily or at all. Quitting caffeine became easy, unless I was in the first throes of grief.

(Any necessary grieving process buys me a few months of caffeine, low energy and crankiness be damned. When I’m grieving, I won’t have energy or optimism anyway, so may as well drink some Starbucks and enjoy it.)

When I try to pin down exactly how I learned to shift and flow with my feelings, rather than strapping them into concrete shoes and tossing them into my stomach, this is what shows up:

Every feeling has a message.

Maybe that message is simply to allow yourself to feel the emotion until it dissipates. Maybe the feeling is guiding you toward some action.

Once, when a boyfriend and I were talking about moving in together, fear and anxiety began flying through my body like cocaine-addled pinballs for no apparent reason. In other words, I started flipping out, which didn’t make any sense, given that this was something I’d been wanting.

When I began to explore the onslaught, I realized that there were deeper issues we needed to delve into before taking that step.

If something persists—anger, fear, anxiety—simply ask it what it wants to tell you. Sit quietly and allow the answer to appear. When you feel peaceful, you have your answer, whether or not you like what that answer says.

Processing your feelings gives you access to your own inner wisdom and innate creativity.

If I sit down to write and nothing comes, I hunt down any feelings that I’ve been avoiding. Sometimes I’ll need to abandon work to roam the Hills and cry. Sometimes I’ll give the feeling five minutes of attention and get back to work.

You already have all the answers you will ever need inside of you—and your emotions are a primary vehicle for those answers. Learning the language of your feelings will give you your own personal Sherpa through life.

All this feeling you’re carrying around may not be yours.

Sensitive, empathic people are the proud recipients of a double whammy. You’re not just carrying around your emotions, you’re also carrying the emotions of people you walked past in the grocery store, the homeless woman you spoke with on the corner two years ago, the friend who vented last week.

Your own emotions may be crowded by the emotions of others that you absorbed unconsciously, sometimes by simply walking past them in the street.

Learn how to clear the emotions of others from your field. One way to do this is to imagine roots extending from your feet into the center of the earth. Send all the emotion and energy that doesn’t belong to you down those roots and into the earth. Feel it draining out of your field and into a place where it can be transformed. Do it daily.

Feeling your emotions brightens your life, both internally and externally.

You already have every answer you will ever need inside of you; you just need to learn how to access that information. Answers about your relationships, your life direction, how to take care of your health, how to move toward what you want. Translating what your feelings are trying to tell you provides a direct conduit to your own higher wisdom.

It may take time and sustained attention to clear out what you were in the habit of stuffing down, but the more you lean into whatever is asking to be seen, the more your life will open and expand.

Brain gremlins won’t have as much sticky emotion to latch onto and they’ll become easier to gently set aside. What once felt heavy and overwhelming will feel light.

And everything will change.

xoxo – Mel

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